The last few days have been brutal. I feel incredible sadness in my throat, as if someone is suffocating me. I also feel great pain in my heart and stomach.
Today, my beautiful son would have turned 32 years of age.
Instead, he is nowhere to be found.
![](https://maggiemaier.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/10/Adam-2.jpg)
Adam will never obtain his MBA, become the investment banker, or the super successful philanthropist he dreamed of becoming. He so wanted to share his wealth with the world.
For 4 years now, my house has been so quiet without his presence. This silence can be deafening.
Yet, life goes on around me.
I watch the children playing in the school yard, only to be reminded fondly, of my sweet blonde curly haired son, running over to give me a hug when I picked him up from school.
Whenever I pass kids playing soccer, I get a big lump in my throat. Adam started playing, when he was just 8 years young. He ended being the only Canadian teenager playing on the American Vardar team in Michigan.
I was thrilled when he came to live with me in Ottawa. I told him he could stay for decades. Adam would always respond with, “Mom I don’t want to be living in your basement at 40 years of age”. Why not? I responded. This was a longstanding joke between us.
Adam was always teasing me and joking around. I really miss hearing his bombastic laughter from downstairs, where he spent hours conversing with friends from around the world on the Internet.
“Adam, come upstairs and eat something”, I would yell. “In a minute Mom”, he’d respond. Those ‘minutes’ usually turned into hours.
![](https://maggiemaier.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/10/Happy-Birthday.jpg)
It’s funny what you miss and think about, when your child is dead.
I still hear from his friends around the world, telling me what a powerful influence and positive impact Adam had on them.
We all miss him terribly.
Happy heavenly birthday Adam.
Love Mom & Dad X0
Learn more about Adam and why he chose death by suicide:
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