The last few days have been brutal. I feel incredible sadness in my throat, as if someone is suffocating me. I also feel great pain in my heart and stomach.

Today, my beautiful son would have turned 32 years of age.

Instead, he is nowhere to be found.

Adam will never obtain his MBA, become the investment banker, or the super successful philanthropist he dreamed of becoming. He so wanted to share his wealth with the world.

For 4 years now, my house has been so quiet without his presence. This silence can be deafening.

Yet, life goes on around me.

I watch the children playing in the school yard, only to be reminded fondly, of my sweet blonde curly haired son, running over to give me a hug when I picked him up from school.

Whenever I pass kids playing soccer, I get a big lump in my throat. Adam started playing, when he was just 8 years young. He ended being the only Canadian teenager playing on the American Vardar team in Michigan.

I was thrilled when he came to live with me in Ottawa. I told him he could stay for decades. Adam would always respond with, “Mom I don’t want to be living in your basement at 40 years of age”. Why not? I responded. This was a longstanding joke between us.

Adam was always teasing me and joking around. I really miss hearing his bombastic laughter from downstairs, where he spent hours conversing with friends from around the world on the Internet.

“Adam, come upstairs and eat something”, I would yell. “In a minute Mom”, he’d respond. Those ‘minutes’ usually turned into hours.

It’s funny what you miss and think about, when your child is dead.

I still hear from his friends around the world, telling me what a powerful influence and positive impact Adam had on them.

We all miss him terribly.

Happy heavenly birthday Adam.

Love Mom & Dad X0

Learn more about Adam and why he chose death by suicide: