Today, my son Adam would have turned 31.
Starting in September, I could feel the weight of my son’s advancing birthday on my heart. Grief is strange that way. Sometimes it’s the anticipation of an event that brings so much sadness and heartache.
This year has been especially difficult, living without my Adam. These continual lockdowns only remind me more of the emptiness and quiet I now live with daily.
As a single mother, I have lived alone for decades. I can frankly say that I never felt truly lonely. Perhaps it’s that special bond that connects a mother with her only child. After all, it was Mom and Adam against the world. While we had our challenges, there was great love between us.
His hopes and dreams became mine. Adam couldn’t wait to get his MBA and become an investment banker. I was his regular cheerleader and he was mine.
When Adam finally came to live with me, I was beyond ecstatic. I loved sharing my space with him and was so grateful I worked from home.
Time with him meant everything to me. I loved sharing my business and life experiences with him and our mentoring sessions became weekly and sometimes, daily events. My son worked several jobs and would often share his happy and truly hilarious experiences with me on a Sunday.
He was such a powerful, strong young man who had incredible leadership abilities. Adam was also caring and extremely compassionate. It became a regular routine, after his late night bar shift, to head over to Subway. He would buy a sandwich and then look for a homeless person to feed and sit with. That following afternoon he would share with me whom he met and their tale of despair or tragedy. “Everyone has a story Mom”, he would softly say.
Today, I lovingly share my memories with you– as my son Adam died by suicide, just 3 years ago.
Time marches on even when our hearts don’t. We often assume there will be more time than we actually get with our children or loved ones. Hug your child a little tighter today.
If you have challenges or issues with your children, do your best to forgive or resolve them as soon as possible.
Because…sometimes…tomorrow never comes….
Happy 31st birthday Adam- in heaven.
I love and miss you more with each passing day!